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Pig Dance of Joy
2004-01-06 - 7:00 p.m.
I am now doing my �Pig Dance of Joy�. Come, join me! Fat! Thin! Pudgy! Come one! Come all! I don�t discriminate. We shall dance, sing the National Pig Anthem (as soon as I am finish writing it.), and gorge ourselves on Diet sodas, and fat free cookies, followed by a quick roll in the mud, as it is good for our skin, and let�s face it, it�s probably fun!!! I finished week one of my diet. Not much to some, but to me, (And that�s all that really matters.) it is a milestone. And no, I didn�t lose 25 lbs. in one week�s time, as some of those diet products claim, but I did lose, and that�s what counts. Besides, let�s face facts here. The only way you could really lose 25 lbs. in one week is: A: Give birth to a really BIG baby, or B: Your brains fall out, which is a possibility. If someone�s dumb enough to pay the kind of money they ask for these supposed �Miracle Diets�, their brain couldn�t be attached that tight to begin with, making it easier to fall out their head. Unless of course, they�re a man. Then their brains were never in their head to begin with. Not the �head� on their shoulders anyways. But, at least when they fell out, they wouldn�t have as far to fall. On another subject: I�m convinced the RATS are laughing at me behind my back. Most of the traps, they manage to trip, and then steal the bait. So much for tying bacon on with dental floss. The two traps they didn�t trip, killed two innocent birds. That was difficult to face. I chose traps; vs. poison, as felt it was more humane to kill them quickly. And I also didn�t want there to be a chance another animal would eat the carcass of the Rats, and also die from the poisons. Tonight I�m giving the traps one more try. I�m putting them down lower, where birds are far less likely to take interest, and baiting them with a peanut stuck tightly in the trap, and smeared with peanut butter. Peanuts! ..� Peanut Butter! ..�. My stomach tells me it�s time for another sensible shake. I shall drink tonight, and say a toast to all my fellow (Is that the right term when toasting women? Oh well�) I shall toast my fellow �Pig Sisters� and dance another round of the now famous �Pig Dance of Joy�, danced to the beat of �Wooly-Bully��..
0 GAVE ME A LITTLE RINGY DINGY
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