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Faster than a Speeding Bullet!
2004-03-05 - 8:45 p.m.
I had a really big scare today. I was a good 30 minutes away from the house, when a neighbor called my Cell Phone and left a message that she had seen my 2 dogs up the street. I am proof that, if scared enough, even a blonde Goddess in an �89 Toyota truck can indeed out run, and out maneuver even the best Nascar has to offer. It was one time I was glad God endowed me with a naturally big �Back Bumper�, as otherwise those bumps would have been murder. I hit the gas, and tore out flying like a bat outta Hell. 60 mph, 70 mph, 80 mph, and yes, all the way to 90 mph. I was soaring. I was invincible. I was aaaaaamazing! Thank goodness I also turn myself into an organ donor. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing, my breast began to rhythmically and painfully bounce to the tune of �Born to be Wild� that was now playing in my head. (Okay, so I made this last line up, but it makes for a great visual, don�t ya think? Besides, it�s my story damn it!) Strangely enough though, the rest of me was really starting to get into it. My long blond braid was now waving in the breeze. People were honking at me as I swooshed past them at break-neck speed. Some were even waving their approval as I passed. Of course they were only using one finger�but I didn�t care. Nothing was going to stop me from getting to my BABIES!!! I made that usual 30-minute long drive in 16 minutes flat. I screeched in to my driveway, wiped the bugs from my teeth, undid my seat belt (You know me, safety first!) and hoped out of my truck with the engine still running. I quickly unlocked the front door, and darted to the big sliding glass window. There�in my backyard�.were Bubba and Sweet Pea, her laying lazily on her back soaking up the sun�s rays. Him proudly scooting around on his belly across the grass, doing his �new trick� (REMEMBER THIS?) I sat down and breathed a sigh of relief, hugged my Puppies close (the Pugs, not my breast), and waited for my heart to stop palpitating. I then called my neighbor and let her know that it wasn�t my dogs she had seen, but thanked her all the same. She said, �I could have sworn it was your two dogs.� I asked her if one was wearing a purple harness, and the other a pink one, and she said, �No. I didn�t notice that. But your little black Chihuahua was running around in someone�s yard, while your big red dog was just sitting there watching.� Do I need to remind you that I have two little beige Pug dogs??? Not red�not black�.not anything close to resembling a Chihuahua? Oh, and one other thing. Did I also forget to mention that in all the commotion, I forgot to shut off the house alarm, and that the truck was STILL running in the driveway? Whenever I�ve called the Police to complain about my stalker following me�.I get ignored. BUT�.let one little house alarm go off, when there just happens to be a truck in the driveway with it�s engine still running��.Yes, in the middle of the day, in my front yard, for all the neighbors to see and hear�.�This is the Police Department. Come out with your hands up where we can see them.� With hands held high, and neighbors assembled and laughing, I attempted to explain what had happened. Fortunately the Police had a good sense of humor. I invited them in for a soda (Hey, one wasn�t wearing a wedding ring, and he was kinda cute! And he didn�t arrest me. Can ya blame me?) And�.right on cue, Bubba showed the two nice officers a command performance of �His New Trick.� I gotta get a life!
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