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Divorce American Style
2009-08-03 - 11:42 p.m.
Some days I find it more difficult than others to bite my tongue at the appropriate times. You see, for years, not only was I painfully shy to the point I would turn red if a stranger spoke to me, but also I was poo-pooed about saying �certain things� in mixed company. I shared my �secret thoughts� with only a select few. Around the age of 17 I started making a concerted effort to overcome my shyness, and ignore my Mom�s poo-poos about what I could and could not say in public. Once the monster was loose, there was noooo going back. I liked speaking my mind. I gradually stopped covering my mouth when I laughed like a disciplined Geisha Girl, and began laughing out loud, and yes, even throwing my head back with laughter. It was sooooo freeing to let loose and be myself. Well, now I�m having trouble watching what I say. Case in point: A man in his early 40s came to us to do his divorce papers. Divorces are something hubby and I decided we didn�t want to do because we find them too depressing......couples using the children as pawns, fighting back and forth, sometimes refusing to pay him when they get greedy with demands against their spouse and the case doesn�t go the way they want, etc... But, this guy was sent to us by a dear friend, and because some of our work is for the state and we are now holding nearly 6 months pay in �California I-O-U�s�, we decided to take on this man�s case. We met with Mr. Prick (Did I say that???) at a little restaurant and discussed his situation. He said that he was willing to pay child support for his 6 year old son, but not his 6 month old daughter. I asked if it was because he questioned if the youngest was his, and he replied, �No, I know she�s mine, but I never wanted another kid. It was Mrs. Prick�s idea to have it so why should I pay for it?� At this point I should have bit my tongue, but nooooooooo........ So I say, �Oh, so you�re not here for a divorce, but to sue the doctor.�
He looked at me puzzled and asked, �What doctor?�
I replied, �The one who botched your vasectomy. You said you didn�t want any more kids so I assume you must have taken steps to assure that wouldn�t happen.� At this point, hubby is kicking me under the table and trying hard not to show his amusement at my comments. Mr. Prick was not amused, but I think it was mainly because he just didn�t get it. He just responded with, �No, I didn�t get the jewels cut off, but Mrs. Prick said she was on the pill.� �Ohhhhhhhhh.....� I say, �So you�re wanting to sue the condom company that made the faulty condoms.�
Mr. Prick gives me a puzzled look and says, �What??�
So I respond with, �Well, I assume that, knowing the pill is only 97% FOOL proof, and that�s only if it�s taken as it�s suppose to be taken, and knowing that sometimes people forget to take their medicine, and hearing how strongly you felt about not wanting to have more children, that you MUST have been wearing a condom for added assurance, right???.� Mr. Prick excuses himself to use the restroom, which was perfect timing as hubby was about to burst out laughing and didn�t want Mr. Prick to see it. Fortunately, he returned after hubby got it out of his system, and I agreed to �lighten up on the guy�. The first words out of Mr. Prick�s mouth were, �I�ve been thinking about it a little, and I think I should pay a little child support for the girl too.�
4 GAVE ME A LITTLE RINGY DINGY
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