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The Issue of Trust
2005-06-16 - 9:43 a.m.
Well Mr. Sam, my fianc�, discovered my diary here at D-land. I made the mistake of mentioning too many things�.a couple of your user names and that the site was named Diaryland. He went in, looked up one of the user names and discovered through reading the descriptions, which diary was mine. He says he only read my last entry�the one about us getting engaged. Oh yes, and he also read some of my �notes�. He just felt like I was challenging him to find it since I wouldn�t tell him my user name.
We�ve had a discussion and I explained to him that Diaryland has served as my personal form of therapy�some parts of my stories are exaggerated a bit for effect, and others�well, you get the idea. He has promised to not read it again. He has promised to not read it again, but only time will tell I guess. I�ll just have to trust him. You see, for me trust is a big issue. I have to know that I can trust the man I�m with beyond the shadow of a doubt. He already broke his word to me once when I asked him to not tell people my age. He told his Mother how old I am. It�s not really the age thing so much�.although I think it bugs him a bit (but he won�t admit it) that I�ve been told I look considerably younger than I am, and he looks older than he is�..but the fact that I asked him to not tell it, but he decided on his own to do it anyways because he thought my request was silly.
He rationalized out that, �YOUR family knows how old you are, why shouldn�t MY family know.� I told him that it wasn�t much of an argument since of course MY family would know my age, Hell, they were there when I was born! That bottom line was�.he broke a confidence I had placed with him. He broke my �trust� in him. That no matter how childish, foolish, or silly he felt it was�.It was still my wishes and it was wrong for him to purposely go against something I specifically asked him to NOT do.
So here I am, trying once again to trust him at his word. Hoping that he�s being honest when he says he won�t read my diary again.
He is a wonderful man with a kind heart. I truly believe he is the man for me. Buttttt�..again, I need to be sure I can trust him to always have my back just as I will always have his. Silly I know, but it�s important to me. After all, if I can�t trust him with a smaller thing like this, how can I hope to trust him with the bigger things? You know what I mean?
My next issue�..I�ll fill you in on the saga of the engagement ring. I will leave you with this much�..the �original ring� he gave me�..had been one he had given to his X-girlfriend 4 years ago���hmmmmmmm�..
0 GAVE ME A LITTLE RINGY DINGY
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