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Can you say Pap Smear?
2004-03-12 - 10:08 p.m.
I finally got the test results back from my Pap smear I had two weeks ago and they were normal, thank goodness. Like most women, I dread this yearly routine. One of my worst fears was that I�d end up with a Gynecologist who was also a Ventriloquist��Let me out! Let me out!� �Who said that?� �I was her last date 8 years ago�Hellllppppp!��.Well, you get the picture. Maybe this thought comes from NOW knowing what one of those Ventriloquist dummies must feel like, except that the guys hand goes in their back, not up their little Wahoo! (Forgive the technical term here. I should have said Oonie.) Fortunately for me, I have a wonderful Ob/Gyn. It was a bit unnerving the first time we met. She came in the room humming, and the first thing I noticed were these absolutely fascinating long dreadlocks with multiple beads threads, charms, and various other fineries attached throughout her hair. Not that I�ve never seen dreadlocks before, but these where beyond the usual�this was a true work of art she was sporting. She then looked up from her chart, removed the Tootsie Roll Pop from her mouth, extended her hand, and gave me a big �tin grin�. The last thing I expected was a Doctor with dreads, braces, and sucking on a lollipop. We hit it off immediately, which is a good thing. When someone�s going to be shoving their hand up your little Wahoo, fingering your backside, and going to second base with your breast (I never could remember..was that 2nd base, or 3rd base? I know kissing is first, and we ALL know what home run is�Oh well) then it�s better if you at least feel a �little bit� comfortable with them. My last Ob/Gyn was a REALLY strange man. I went to him one time, which was one too many. He left me waiting in �the room� for 45 minutes. No TV, no magazines, no �hissandtell" not even a porno flick. He seemed to think that once you get a patient buck-ass-naked, spread-eagles with their feet in stirrups, that that was the best time to hold a conversation. And it was an odd conversation to say the least. �Wow, trimmed short, nice!���I can tell by your regrowth you�re a Natural blonde.� Then, while shoving varying sizes of cold instruments into the �Tunnel of Love�, he felt this was the perfect time to ask things like, �So what do you do for a living?� �What do you like to do in your free time?�, � You�re really tight down here, so you a single gal?� Like I said, really strange. As long as I�m already �In That Area��..I�ll share another little story with you. As I�ve said before, my Mom was a bit naive about some things. She had a friend, Frances, who was just the opposite. She was, and still is quite brazen. She was telling Mom a story about the days she was married to her first husband (first of 5) who was in the military. She was telling Mom and I that she and some of the other military wives wanted to make the most of their husbands �Homecoming�. To do this, they would douche out with a substance called �Alum� which is an ingredient used in pickling. She said that it made them �F**king Tight, and oh so right� for their men. Well, you know me�..I had to ask her, "Didn�t that make you taste like a pickle?" Mom started laughing. I was surprised, as she normally didn�t catch on to something like that. But, the next words out of her mouth were...."No Honey! She didn�t say they drank it. She said they DOUCHED with it!" Awwww Mom, sometimes she just didn�t get it�. apparently in more ways than one! So now Ms. Poolie (aka poolagirl) I have to ask you� How could �I� �Moi� Goddess of sweetness-joy-and light get this rating???? Admit it Poolie�.the quiz is fixed right???? 
My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?
0 GAVE ME A LITTLE RINGY DINGY
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