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"Utter" disbelief!
2004-02-25 - 10:09 p.m.
First to hissandtell�.was the picture of cows your way of throwing down the �Gauntlet� for my NEXT challenge? Are you actually thinking I�m gonna show my �utters� on dland? I�ll put it this way�this time�.it�s either yours� of �mom-on-roof�s turn to go first! And speaking of mom-on-roof, HEY! Keep your stinkin� cat away from my mouse will ya�? He�s teaching him bad habits!  But now that both �utters� and �mom-on-roof� are on my mind (Sorry m-o-r, but it was the only way to tie this into my story. Pretty clever, right? ha)�.I shall �pick up THIS �gauntlet�, and share MY experience with the dreaded �Mam-o-gram�. As Betty Davis said: �Fasten your seatbelts, it�s going to be a bumpy ride bumpy!� While watching the obligatory video, �Your Boobs and You�, explaining the importance of self-exams, mam-o-grams, and Sam-I-am�s (Just seeing if you were listening) I had a little chat with the other two women I was sharing the viewing room with. They described to me their past experiences with Mam-o-grams, and pretty much what to expect. They assured me that it wasn�t anything nearly as bad as I had heard. And, that I should just relax, as it would all be over in just a few minutes. They also assured me that, having been through it several times, almost all the techs were very sympathetic to what I�d be going through and would help me to relax about the whole thing. I finally started to relax, my blood pressure and breathing began to drop to normal, and I must say, I was feeling much better about the whole thing. We were all called into another room, handed some semi-attractive burgundy cloth wrap around blouses, and were instructed to step into one of several cubicles, disrobe from the waist up, remove all necklaces and earring, put on a smock, and return to the waiting area to the left. As I was disrobing, I could feel my pulse starting to race again. The thoughts were spinning through my head. Why no earrings??? What do earrings have to do with my boobs? Were these ladies LIEING to me??? Were they going to be squashing my entire HEAD in this thing too??? Or worse, my ENTIRE upper body??? I wanted to jump out a window, but there weren�t any. Just then, I heard a faint little voice from the other side of the door, �Miss im2qt2kr?� (I still don�t know how she knew that was my REAL name?) �Are you almost ready? The tech is waiting for you?� I took a deep breath, turned the knob, and with my head held high, stepped out. One of the ladies from �the room� was just outside my door. She gave me one last reassuring pat on the back, and one last pep-talk. �Trust me Dear, the techs understand COMPLETELY what you�re going through. You�ll do just fine, as long as you don�t get��.MARTHA!!!� Quickly I turned and said, �WHAT??? Who�s Martha?? You didn�t say anything before about a Martha??� She again reassured me by saying, �Oh don�t worry Dear! I haven�t even seen her today. She must be on her lunch break or something.� I told myself, okay�you can do this�.you�re strong�.hold your head up high�.walk straight�.be brave�. hundreds�thousands�MILLIONS of women have done this, and you can too. I stepped into the room��the tech steps from around the corner�..looks me dead in the eyes, and says, �Those boobs ALL yours?� I look at her in shock, and answer her in the most intelligent way a strong brave, Goddess of a woman can, �WHAT???� �Your boobs, tits, knockers..they all yours or is half of that silicone?� I stare at this woman in total disbelief�.looking for some sign of a smirk or grin, signaling me that this is all a horrendous joke in an effort to make me relax. NOTHING! Thennnnn�.my eyes are drawn downward. There on her jacket, I don�t know why I didn�t see it before, in big blue letters��M-A-R-T-H-A� As I stand there dumbfounded, and mouth drops open, she glares at me and says, �What�s the matter with you? I asked you a question!� Now, on the verge of tears I answer, �Yes�I mean no�I mean yes they�re mine..and no there�s no silicone.� She gives me one of those squinty eyed, sidewinder kinda glares like in those old cowboy movies. I expected her next sentence to be �Smile when you say that partner.� I would have preferred to hear that sentence. Instead she asks, �Are you SURE? They look too damn big to be real to me. You know, if you�re not telling the truth, you going to have to go through this crap twice, so better speak up now so I can get it right the first time.� Again, I assured her, �Yes�(sniff, sniff..) they�re mine, I�d (sniff) know if they weren�t (sniff). I wouldn�t lie about it.� She rolled her eyes Heavenward, disgusted at the sight of my tears of embarrassment. She snatched some big metal object off the machine and said, �GROW UP! I�ll be back, I�m gonna need the BIG plates for those! You better be telling me the truth Missy. I hate doing this twice. Here�s some tissues. Try and pull yourself together while I�m gone.� YES�you guessed it�once the door closed, I made a beeline for the other door, and ran-like-heck out of there. I did come back two days later, as I do realize the importance of a Mam-o-gram, but I DID insist that it be �ANYBODY BUT MARTHA�.
0 GAVE ME A LITTLE RINGY DINGY
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