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Another 3rd of the Month
2003-11-03 - 11:43 p.m.
Well, another 3rd of the month, marking yet another month of Mom's passing. Days like today are especially hard. In the beginning, I had support, but friends have moved on, and no longer take the time to..... I guess to some it would seem silly to still hurt so deeply this long, but it still seems like yesterday, and the wounds are still deep, and the loneliness has not left for a moment. Although it was hard, and stressful caring for Mom, I would give anything to have her back. I had always imagined life would be easier once.... Well, now it just sounds cruel and selfish to say it. I loved her so deeply, but it was difficult to watch her going down hill each day. Oh to be 5 years old again, and to spend time once more with the young, healthy, vibrant woman who was so dear to me. I can still see her sweet smile that illuminated the room with joy, and remember so vividly basking in her unconditional love for me. She still lives on in my heart, but right now, my heart just feels so empty. She was so much a part of me. I can't even imagine celebrating Thanksgiving, or especially Christmas, without her in this house. She is what made it a home. It's so hard to pretend to be happy, to wear a smile as just a mere mask, to keep on going as if nothing's wrong. Oh Momma....when will it stop hurting soooo bad?
0 GAVE ME A LITTLE RINGY DINGY
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